Under My Feet
by Topaz Twilights
Summary: Another song fic. It's short and I suck at summaries. It's one of those expressions of love. P Please R&R.


A/N: This is a song fic.  
Lyrics are from Under My Feet by Celldweller.  
Disclaimor: Don't own it. Don't sue.

So this is how it feels to suffer?  
And I had too much to say But it's over now And I'm going down Alone, alone

Bobby lay in bed, wider awake than he'd ever been on any other sleepless night. He couldn't sleep. No man should be able to sleep when he's lost everything. Well, everything that he loved anyway. He had plenty of other things that he didn't care about one way or the other, things that would never look at him with tears in their eyes and tell him to leave. Things that he never worried about crying into their pillows every night. Things that didn't mean a damn thing to him, except that he had something to throw when the pain in his chest became unbearable.  
That was part of his problem. He kept everything inside,  
well, everything that he didn't take out on the wall anyway. The brilliant Robert Goren was also the stupidest man he'd ever known.  
Bobby closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, remembering the events of earlier that night. It had been a nice night. He had taken Alex out to dinner at a gorgeous Italian restaurant on the river, and then they'd gone back to her apartment, where he presented her with a diamond bracelet, which caused her to break down in tears.  
"What is it?" He'd wrapped his arms around her and held her, stroking her hair in the hopes of calming her down.  
But she'd pulled away from him.  
"Bobby," she sniffled and wiped her eyes. "when are things going to change"  
"Change"  
"Yes, change. It's been six months, and not a soul knows that we're together"  
He sighed, sounding probably more annoyed than he'd meant to. "Alex,  
we've talked about this. No one can know. We'll have to get new partners and I'm not sure that"  
"Who cares?" She was shouting, the look in her eyes differed from hurt to angry, and Bobby didn't know which emotion to address. "God Bobby! New partners? I don't care, you know, I really don't. I just want to be with you"  
"You ARE with me"  
He thought she might hit him then.  
"Sure I am, Bobby. Only no one can know, right? Do you know how that makes me feel"  
He shook his head.  
"Like you're ashamed"  
"You know better than that, Alex"  
"Then why! Why keep it a secret"  
He sighed, and leaned against the wall, covering his face with his hands. "I don't want people talking about us"  
She scoffed. "Well they already are, sweetheart. They're saying we're sleeping together, did you know that? Not that we're dating or anything like that, God forbid they find out, but that we're having casual sex, and acting like it never happens. They think I'm a slut,  
Bobby"  
Bobby hadn't said a word. The ceiling mocked him for it.  
There had been so much he'd wanted to say. But he couldn't form words. "I don't know what to say," was out of the question. She WOULD have hit him then. And he would have deserved it, and he knew that.  
So he'd just stood there, hiding his face like a child, wishing he knew the words to say that what he wanted more than anything was for them to be together. Then she'd asked him to leave. So he did.

Promises and wishes all mean nothing When it's me that I'm speaking to Wanting something Won't mean I will see it through

He sat up, checking the alarm clock. It was three o'clock.  
He'd gone to bed at nine. Not a single second had he been close to sleep. His mind was too heavy for sleep. Not a single thought had been about anything but Alex. There was pressure in his forehead from a migraine that had lasted for hours, and it seemed to throb as if in punishment when his eyes wandered across the room to the snapshot of Alex that was framed on his dresser. The picture was about six months old, from their first date, and the smile on Alex's face made it obvious to him that she didn't always feel the way she did. The first few months she'd been perfectly happy keeping it a secret from everyone, it was like a game that they could play to get away from work. Then one of the new detectives, Shelly Payton, had asked her if Bobby was available, and she'd nearly blown it.  
That night she'd cried at him, asking why it had to be a secret. He'd been more helpful then.  
Maybe his growing affection for her had caused several of his brain cells to deteriorate. It was entirely possible. At least twelve hours a day she was on his mind, and after work he went home to think about calling her.  
On the nights after those particularly tough and disturbing cases, he'd gone home quietly, intent on going to bed drunk, to brood appropriately, but his plans had been derailed everytime, by a concerned Alex knocking on his door with a bag of fast food, because she knew that a depressed Bobby was a starving Bobby. She knew so many things about him. Things he didn't even know about himself. She knew all about his mother; he'd told her every particularly haunting memory of his childhood, and all the fears that sometimes still caught up with him. She'd listened, everytime, without saying a word,  
snuggling up next to him and kissing his forehead. Maybe she hadn't always understood, but she gave him something better. She cared. No one had ever cared before.

I've no guarantees I'll recognize my disease Before my time has gone

He needed her. He knew that. He'd never felt for anyone even half of what he felt for her, and he couldn't imagine feeling it for someone else.  
He wasn't one hundred percent positive what he was doing, picking up the phone and dialing her number, until it was ringing in his ear,  
and his heart was racing because he had no clue what to say. But it didn't matter. Five rings and no answer. If she planned on answering,  
she would have. But he knew she was there, because her answering machine didn't pick up. She must have checked the caller i.d., seen it was him, and chosen to ignore it. Huffing, he slammed the receiver down and climbed out of bed. He was going over there.  
He knew he probably shouldn't, but he'd seen too many relationships fall apart simply because he wasn't man enough to say what he really felt. Not this time, he decided, because Alex was so much more to him than all the others. He needed her.

I don't need to see these visions to remind me That I'm dying from the inside out Wanting you here It still means I must do without

It took Bobby twenty minutes to walk the seven blocks from his apartment to hers, and the whole time his head was spinning. He could still feel the evening's scotch in his blood, burning, and driving him on. Before he realized where he was, he was outside her apartment, pounding with the side of his fist. No way she could sleep through that. He was right. After two minutes he heard a click, and the door opened just enough for her to peer out at him.  
"What are you doing here"  
He put his foot against the door, so she couldn't close it on him.  
Then he looked into her eyes, his own eyes pleading to just be heard.  
"I have to talk to you"  
She sighed. "I can't Bobby. I just can't. Please...go home."

I can't criticize your reasons for living When you're the one missing them Wanting, dreaming That I may find where they come from

"No." He pushed the door gently, only to show that he had no intention of leaving until he'd said what he'd come to say. She believed him. She sighed, and looked at the ground, then stepped aside and let him in.  
She had only just turned around when he pushed her against the door and kissed her, hard and needy, cupping her face in his huge hands.  
When he pulled back, he saw tears in her eyes.  
"Don't..." he started, but stopped, for fear that he might cry himself. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, pressing his forehead against hers. Alex took a shaky breath, and reached up to stroke his cheek.  
"Don't what"  
When he opened his eyes she was looking up at him, her brown eyes were filled with something new, something that wasn't hurt, and it wasn't anger. It was hope.  
"Don't leave me." A single tear streaked his cheek. "I'll tell everyone. We'll get new partners. I'll do whatever you ask. But don't ask me to leave. Please?" He sniffled, fighting back the tears that had been building since he stepped through the door. "I need you. I love you."

I dream you

Alex said nothing, but wrapped her arms around his neck and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, then she brushed the tears from his cheeks and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

And I want to

"I'm not going anywhere." She felt his arms tighten around her, and he leaned into her, pressing her back against the door. She looked up and he kissed her, deeply, never loosening his hold on her.

Be near you

"Stay here?" she whispered, and he simply nodded, feeling that he didn't deserve her, but very thankful he had her.  
They made their way down the hallway and once in the bedroom, he kicked off his shoes and climbed into bed next to her, wrapping one arm around her waist and holding her close to him.  
"Bobby?" She turned to face him, her eyes shining through the darkness of the room.  
"Hmm"  
She stroked his cheek, gently. "I love you, too."

END 


End file.
